Tuesday, August 30, 2011

TOMORROW IS THE DAY

In honor of my surgery tomorrow I would like to share with you a video that Rob and I made. Let's just say I deal with stress through humor... and sock puppets.
I dedicate this video to anyone that took it upon themselves to make a snap judgement about me and my delicate decision to have this surgery. It wasn't an easy choice to make and to be quite honest there are some jerks out there that made it even harder. I am doing this for me, the end.

Sock Puppet Theater from Rob Imbs on Vimeo.


Monday, August 22, 2011

Slammogram

Mild discomfort my a**. I'm not trying to scare anyone out there but the mammogram was kind of traumatic. I understand that I had to have it done before the surgery but it wasn't fun. The place I went to has a good rep and I am told it is better than some of the other places around. I had to go for three rounds of painful mammogram xrays with awkward/scared waits in a small room in between. Then an even more awkward ultrasound. They thought they found a spot. It turns out it was nothing but tissue but it was a really tense 3 hours. I was scared not only of them finding something but of the possibility of having to push back the surgery until they found out more. You just feel so vulnerable and off in that gown... Here is a very honest self portrait I took that day. ps 9 more days.

Wednesday, August 17, 2011

bffs?

   Diamonds are a girls best friend? Try heating pad is a girls best friend. I use a heating pad to help with back pain every single day. Even in 90+ degree summer weather. I also use my car seat warmer even in the middle of the summer just to get some kind of relief on the go. It's pretty much a norm for me but sounds way more lame and sad typing it out here...
   I have found the best type of heating pads are the cloth ones that are corrugated with rice in them that can be microwaved. They are safer to fall asleep with than an electric pad and also provide a long lasting damp heat that is great on sore muscles. I usually go through one a year and get them on etsy or at craft fairs. I will say that even after surgery I will still use my heating pad to get me through Buffalo winters but hopefully not as much as a crutch.
It also helps having a wonderful giving boyfriend who will rub me every day and help work knots out. I look back and realize how much tension this subject actually caused in past relationships! I enjoy a back rub but it my case it has been one of the only thing that helps. Glad I have a keeper now- wonder how much I will need/want to be rubbed after surgery?
  I also use an herbal cruelty free version of icy hot I purchased at Whole Foods called Muscle Ice. (Note: to whom ever helps apply this type of cream- WASH your hands before touching your eyes! Poor Rob learned the hard way....)
It's days like this that are rough. My back is in bad shape. Knots that make it hard to be upright are no fun at work, and result in me rubbing up against corners like an itchy bear on a tree to try to work them out. I make jokes but I got pretty emotional when I got home. The plaguing thoughts of "what if I go through this and it doesn't help my back, what if I waited too long and am already too broken?" I have to push the what ifs out and stay confident in my choice. It's just hard when back pain has been a daily reality for a decade.I bought some yoga DVDs that focus on postures and back strength for when I recover. I may also have my pal make me a custom hoola hoop she swears by it for fun and to help back pain. Ps- mamogram tomorrow... Oh joy.

Sunday, August 14, 2011

first "attempt"

   The first time I thought seriously about getting the surgery was several years ago as I was finishing up college. I had started seeing a chiropractor, and when I didn't have miracle results I thought I should at least look into it.  I made an apointment with the school health center. They were the first people to let me know how long the approval and recovery process could be. So between finals and realizing I would soon no longer have insurance I put the idea from my head for the next few years.
I have never thought of a reduction as something I should have to pay in full for. I strongly consider it a corrective NOT cosmetic surgery. My surgeon said something important to me repeatedly.

"You are trading in your current breasts for smaller breasts with scars." This is something that anyone considering the operation should consider daily when making their decision. Also note that I say anyone not just women. That's right fellas- there is such a thing as breast reductions for dudes.

Wednesday, August 10, 2011

Beep boop

Is it normal to have the Doogie Howser MD theme looping in your head while writing blog posts? (if you do not get this you are too young to know why it is funny ask your older brother or sister.)

the reasons

Here are some of the reasons I have decided a reduction is right for me.
- Over a decade of DAILY back pain: upper back knots, pain, tingling and burning. A constant feeling that I need to crack or adjust my back.

- Wearing dumb ugly spots bras which lead to the dreaded... DUN DUN DUN the UNIBOOB look. (I even wear a sports bra to bed every night.) Or the unflattering matronly minimizer bras. For those of you that don't know, a minimizer bra does the opposite of what the billion dollar lingerie sets out to do. It tames the ladies instead of making them bigger or pushing them up to your chin. I have a drawer full of very expensive bras that I ended up hating. Not only are you never comfortable- they have thick straps which make an appearance in pretty much any outfit with exception of OH so stylish turtle necks.
Let's take a moment to talk about strapless bras... I have tried a couple. I tugged at my sides all day and felt like a loaded slingshot ready to go off at any given moment. All joking aside I hope very much to be able to wear thin strapped/ strapless clothing after surgery.

-Unwelcome attention. Your chest is suppose to make you feel attractive/ desirable. For me it is the opposite I don't want to show off my cleavage and flaunt what I have. I just want to keep it in check so I can function comfortably. Also dudes can be creeps. Plain and simple, subtle or not. My ladies are not a gift I want to share with the world.

-I am grateful for my good health but all of these things lead to a general feeling of not being at home in my own body.

2nd consultation

After a year and 4 months I returned to the surgeon's office approval finally in hand. I will be bouncing back in future posts to tell you the missing back story, but felt as though I wanted to keep up with what's happening now as well. It's a really bizarre feeling to fight for something for over a year, when it finally happens it's all of a sudden not about the fight/ appeal and more about the reality. This is happening. I have a date- August 31. All of a sudden everything is planned the grey area, the fog has lifted. Pretty intense.
I feel a lot more optimistic and confident about the whole thing since meeting with my surgeon again. He was very good about going over the blunt realities and making sure I knew all of my options.  It's so strange joking around with a person who will soon cut you open! I should note I have never had surgery before. Not even a broken bone!
Is it inappropriate to make "Hey doc while you are in there..." jokes with a plastic surgeon? Heh... perhaps.

Sunday, August 7, 2011

Share the wealth

   So many girls want bigger chests; I wish there was a donation program.  I have more than I need and would be happy to share. 
   It's funny how some women will pay anything to get a bigger chest and I just want to be able to jog comfortably and stand in a crowded elevator without unknowingly "getting fresh" with strangers.

Planting the seed

It was almost 10 years ago when I first thought of having a breast reduction. Or rather someone told me I should. I was working at H&M and in my second year of college when one of my coworkers said to me "damn girl you should get a breast reduction" It had never occurred to me and quite frankly I was a little insulted. I hadn't ASKED for her opinion and didn't appreciate her candor about something so personal. I had never loved my chest in fact I had been trying to hide it for years by wearing sports bras (day and night). But that was my burden and who the hell was she to bring it up. After this the seed was planted I started to think… This is a thing? This is actually something you could have done? Would it help my back pain? My coworker had known someone who had done it and was very happy so it must be. Over a decade later and the thought still hasn't left my brain. I know now if I don't do it I will always wonder what if. So now what?

Welcome/Bienvenue

   This is a blog about breast reduction. I started this because I thought it would be cathartic to me but more importantly helpful to you out there scared about the process.  I have thought about having the surgery for 10 years and spent the past year and a half actually fighting to get it. I am about to have my second consultation tomorrow, and my surgery is scheduled for the end of the month. So welcome aboard please feel free to follow along or if you're a jerk kindly return to failblog to laugh at the misfortune of others. 
What you can expect here: Humor, insurance advice, opinions, medical info, my journey. Things you won't see: Before and after photos.

   This has been an emotional experience and I know I am not the only one out there going through it. I wish I could have found a blog like this to help me. Instead of the countless scary message boards with success and horror stories, before and after galleries, and webMD (which if any of you have been on you know you always leave that site convinced you have ebola, SARS and the mumps.) I am not a medical professional and anything I write here is purely opinion or things I have learned in my own experience. Any decisions you make should be between you and a professional. That being said here we go...